This Day In LWOT History

March 24, 1982

The world celebrates the inaugural "Hug a Writer Day."

Former LWOT editor Gradey Alexander started the semi-holiday as a way to annoy his rival Mordecai Richler in the hope Richler's fans would interrupt the celebrated story teller's lunch at Schwartz's Deli. Alexander also hoped to disrupt the famous delicatessen's lunch service after they banned him because of an altercation during which he flung a seven inch sliced pickle at Richler's autographed picture.

The plan backfired when a group of rabid Kensington Market fans gathered outside the LWOT office where they waited for the chance to hug Alexander on his way home from work. Alexander thwarted their attempts and slept in his office on several stacks of the magazine's back issues which he fashioned into a make shift bed.

"Surely these women, comely as they are, could find some other poor soul to torment. O'Groussny never had to deal with this foolishness and he was famous for his taste in women," Alexander said after the women left, although he never elaborated on what he meant about his predecessor's taste in women.

Once news of the stakeout spread it became an annual tradition as fans made the pilgrimage to Moncton, making Hug a Writer Day the busiest of the year for local eatery Boomerang's Steakhouse. It also lead to LWOT staffers dubbing Alexander "The Bloomin' Onion" behind his back in honour of the stake house's signature dish.

The botched plan is also thought by some to be the reason behind Alexander's reclusive tendencies and his move to Whitehorse, Yukon, although the occasional fan still manages to track him down in the hopes of giving him a hug. Despite his distaste for what the day has become and his best efforts to stop it, thousands still celebrate by wrapping their arms around their favourite writers every March 24.

This Day In LWOT History...

Oct. 21, 2008

The LWOT editors notice they haven't updated their blog in a while so they write a meaningless post to fill some space. 

The short missive is sent through cyberspace and into RSS feeds around the world. Members of the LWOT Army® race to their computers in frenzied attempts to be the first to hear the latest news, only to walk away in bitter disappointment.

This Day In LWOT History

Sept. 24, 1980

The office of Lies With Occasional Truth is dubbed "The Sweat Lodge" by the magazine's then editorial team. 

In his position as managing editor for less than a year, Gradey Alexander was determined to improve productivity and leave his mark on the historic periodical. Alexander despised his predecessor Oswald McGinley and wanted to rid the office of any remnants of the jovial atmosphere established by McGinley.

To do so, Alexander established a new policy under which anyone caught turning the heat below 35 degrees celcius would be summarily fired. While the rest of the staff laboured in the intense heat, Alexander lounged in his office with the window open and worked in comfort. 

Staffers didn't take it seriously, at first, but after five weeks of sweaty work days under a mandatory shirt and tie dress code they began to question Alexander's sanity. Since the written policy had no mention of pants, the men soon started to take them off as soon as they reached their desks. They worked in their boxers through the winter and into the spring. It's believed Alexander never moved to enforce a fully panted rule because the women tended to wear short skirts and low cut blouses in an attempt to stave off heat stroke.  

The policy continued for almost a year until the extreme humidity made the wooden frames on the windows in Alexander's office swell and wedged them shut. After 10 minutes he emerged from his office, sweat dripping from his caterpillar-like mustache. He posted a handwritten note next to the thermostat with new orders to "keep the blasted heat off if you value your careers and your wives value your nether parts."

In one of Alexander's many financial blunders as head of the magazine, the drafty building's oil consumption almost doubled during the early Sweat Lodge era. 

Long after the policy ended, LWOT editors continue the tradition of working in a dress shirt, tie and boxers as a sort of unofficial uniform. Like the famed Marvel Bullpen, LWOT became known for its Sweat Lodge and included it in occasional issues with a segment called "Visions From the Sweat Lodge." 

This Day In LWOT History

Aug. 26, 1987.

The last remaining LWOT Store® closes after more than 40 years of service to its Montreal clientele. At its peak, the official LWOT Store® took up space in a dozen strip malls and Main Street store fronts across the country. With a unique blend of literary greatness and affordable clothing the stores peddled everything LWOT.

After years of harassment from the Quebec language police, the magazine's editorial board decides to close the money losing store. Every other store closed years earlier when the rise of upstart Roots cornered the market on clothing with giant logos on the front. Longtime editor Gradey Alexander refused to close the Montreal store, despite rumoured yearly losses in the tens of thousands of dollars.

Although sales were brisk at the flagship store, repeated fines from the language police kept it in the red. The Crescent Street store boasted a bright red sign in English only, in defiance of provincial law.

The store soon became known more for its display of the fine notices plastered to the front window than it was for its middle-of-the-road fashion. Rene Levesque once visited the store and was heard to say "I will see Gradey Alexander dead or in prison before I let that sign stand."

Levesque lived to see the store close but the garish sign still clung to the old brick at the time of his death. Alexander was one of the many dignitaries to attend Levesque's funeral, dressed in LWOT clothing from head to toe. It's rumoured Alexander dropped an issue of the magazine with the words "I win" scribbled on the cover into the grave before the casket was buried.

Some of the items sold at the LWOT Store® included Lies With Occasional Tubesocks, L'Eyes With Occasional Truth sunglasses and Lies With Occasional Tooth soothers from the LWOT Kids® section.

This Day In LWOT History

May 27, 1980

An interview with former editor Gradey Alexander appears in the Halifax Daily News in response to a convocation speech in which Alexander blamed Italians for the crucifixion of Christ. The struggling tabloid, desperate to increase its readership, contacted Alexander with a promise of the chance to clarify his comments on the record.

During the original speech Alexander disputed the widely held anti-semitic belief Jews were responsible for the crucifiction of Jesus. The former editor said the Jews are not to blame for Christ's death because they were under Roman rule at the time. He argued the Romans were the real driving force behind the crucifixion because of their fear Jesus would continue to use his fantastic abilities and endanger the wine producing economies of some Roman territories.

"Giuseppe should take the blame for what generations have dropped on the shoulders of their semitic brethren," he said.

Alexander continued his attack by saying Mussolini knew of the Italian plot to frame the Jews and joined forces with Hitler in an attempt to cover up the centuries-old conspiracy. He also argued the Roman Catholic church grew out of Italian need to maintain the Jewish crucifixion theory.

The interview sparked anti-Italian sentiment in the harbour city, which led to a series of protests at the city's fabled "Pizza Corner" and a full page ad funded by the Coalition Against The Italian Lie in the newspaper's next weekend edition. The C.A.T.I.L. ad featured a mustachioed mobster with his foot poised over the baby Jesus and the words "Circumcise away the lies. Don't believe the Italian hate."

One the most vocal critics of Alexander's theory was his rival Mordecai Richler who called his rant "the most preposterous of all Gradey's lunatic ramblings. If that man has even read a history book I'll never eat a mouth watering smoked meat sandwich at Schwartz's Deli, home of Montreal's best smoked meat, located at 3895 Saint-Lauren Boulevard, again. A cretinous separatist could see the flaws in his logic, unlike the flawless pickles that accompany every smoked meat sandwich at Schwartz's Deli." Richler was criticized for his remarks, not because of the personal nature of the attack, but for the seeming advertisement for the tender strips of beef marinated in a perfect blend of herbs and spices.

This Day In LWOT History

March 20, 1924

Maggie Butland becomes the first "LWOT girl." Butland's photgraph is chosen from hundreds of submissions for the coveted title and publication on page seven. George Ross chooses the young lady for her "shapely gams which will leave a generation of Canadian boys scrambling to steal their father's copy of this historic issue."

The photo's run brings Butland fame as county fair organizers from coast-to-coast seek out her services as pie judge, horse pull starter and general "pretty lady." Butland appears on page seven again in 1943, this time in a full page ad for war bonds. The ad features Butland with one leg held high as she urges Canadians to "get a leg up on the Krauts."

The position of "LWOT girl" appears in the magazine until 1947 when Veronique Leblanc becomes managing editor and puts an end to the cherished tradition. Her innovative feminist views, which later turn out to be plagiarized from an essay by Benjamin's Disraeli's wife, shape the magazine throughout her entire run as managing editor. In a gender role reversal, Leblanc publishes the first "LWOT boy" and angers then Prime Minister William Lyon Mackenzie King who blasts her in the House of Commons as a "woman of great self-importance with an admirable dedication to fiction and the womanly arts."

This Day In LWOT History

Jan. 30, 1983

An LWOT commercial airs during Super Bowl XVII. The commercial, meant to boost the magazine's American readership, featured Gradey Alexander's bearded face on the cover of every magazine on a street vendor's rack. Alexander's animated lips spoke throughout the commercial with the use of then state-of-the-art computer generated morphing technology. Critics panned the choppy movement of Alexander's lips and the phony echo effect as the famed writer touted the virtues of the world's greatest fiction magazine. Mordecai Richler was one of the first to speak out against his rival and called the commercial "ego stroking to the Nth degree."

Although Alexander never confirmed how much was spent on the commercial, the Globe and Mail quoted an anonymous source from the magazine who stated the 30 second spot cost $1.2 million, including the production costs and air time. The presumed cost left the magazine with a crippling debt which many speculate lead to Alexander's eventual ouster as managing editor.

The Redskins went on to beat the Dolphins 27-17. Dolphins backup quarterback David Woodley later blamed the loss, in part, on the LWOT commercial.

"How could anyone focus on the game when we knew that bearded guy's creepy face would be the only thing people would be talking about the next day?"

This Day In LWOT History

Jan. 6, 1928

Philanthropist Gregory Simpson died and left his accumulated wealth to LWOT: The World's Greatest Fiction Magazine. Simpson's will stated the money would help the fabled magazine remain in business "until the end of time." A devout Seventh Day Adventist, Simpson believed the world would end March 24, 1928 and his accumulated fortune amounted to $32.43. The money did allow Lies With Occasional Truth to purchase a state of the art Underwood typewriter, complete with a full QWERTY keybase and innovative space bar. With the remaining funds, then editor George Ross purchased two boxes of HB pencils and a pack of Black Jack.

Simpson's cremated remains were also left to the magazine as a condition of the inheritance. The brass urn containing his ashes were held in a locked safe in the LWOT Albion Block offices until the building was destroyed in a suspicious fire and explosion. The safe was never recovered. Rumours continue to spread about its potential whereabouts, with treasure hunters and fortune seekers scouring the globe in search of the missing piece of Canadiana. Recently, the safe was ranked third on the Wilson's List Of Mysteries, rising four spots and topped only by the Oak Island money pit and why people still like Rosie O'Donnell.

This Day In LWOT History...

Dec. 18, 2007

The editors of Lies With Occasional Truth issue an apology to PhD Student Paul Campbell after he threatens to sue the renowned magazine for libel.

The threat comes after an internal memorandum is leaked to the press in which Campbell, an applicant for a internship position with the magazine, is referred to as "that swishy guy". The magazine issues a public apology, and provides the effeminate recluse a free subscription to the magazine.

It was the first apology issued by the lauded publicatin since 1988, when former editor Gradey Alexander referred to Sheila Copps as a "political butter tart with the aptitude of an undeveloped Polaroid photograph" in a convocation speech at Mount Allison University.

This Day in LWOT History...

Dec. 2, 1981

Excerpted from the instruction booklet for Atari's LWOT: Publish or Perish™:

The year is 2098 and you’re escorting the ISS George Ross on its way back to Earth with a cargo-hold full of submissions for the latest issue of LWOT: The Galaxy’s Greatest Fiction Magazine. Suddenly, a laser blast lights up your view-screen! The space around you is filled with ships, their lazer-canons blazing as they target your convoy. You drop out of ultra-hyperspace, switch on your blasters, and swing around to face the enemy.

In LWOT: Publish or Perish you control a fleet of escort ships, under constant attack by rival intergalactic literary journals trying to destroy your galactic delivery ships and delay the delivery of the latest issue of LWOT: The Galaxy’s Greatest Fiction Magazine. Your goal is to accumulate points by knocking out as many enemy ships as possible before your fleet is destroyed.

If you think LWOT: Publish™ or Perish is just another space adventure, you’re dreaming! And that dream will become a nightmare! A space nightmare! So prepare yourself for one of the most awesomely radical experiences you’ll ever encounter!

This Day in LWOT History...

September 12, 1959

The eponymous television show Bonanza debuts to mediocre ratings. Two months later, after a brief mention in the back pages of LWOT Magazine's Television Fantacular, viewership would soar, propelling the series, and the career of Canadian actor Lorne Greene, to legendary heights.

Known as the "LWOT Bump", this phenomeon was first documented in the 1930 federal election, when an LWOT cover featuring George Ross painting a portrait of R. B. Bennett caused a national sensation, leading Bennett and his conservatives to a landslide victory with 134 seats.

The "LWOT Bump" has also shaped many other facets of Canadian culture, including the drafting of Mark Messier by the Edmonton Oilers, the brief surge in popularity of pop singer Mitsou, the elections of Ralph Klein, Frank McKenna, and Ed Broadbent, as well as Guy Vanderhaege's 1982 Governor General's Award and the Toronto Blue Jay's mid-season acquisition of Rance Mulinicks.

This Day In LWOT History...

June 27, 1981

An interview with Gradey Alexander appears in Moncton's daily newspaper, Times & Transcript, in which the controversial writer unleashes a torrent of abuse towards the city he briefly called home.

Though not a native New Brunswicker, Alexander spent his tenure as LWOT's Managing Editor living in Moncton, and at the time was one of the city's most prominent figures. During an interview with the local paper - part of a series focusing on the city's literary community - he was asked to share his thoughts about the city and surrounding area. Alexander replied with the malevolent frankness for which he has become known. He spared few, even daring to sound off on legendary critic Northrop Frye, whom he referred to as "a literary beanpole, lacking the courtesy to die before his works could taint his reputation."

Alexander's strongest words, however, were reserved for the city itself. His oft-repeated slurs have become the stuff of legend.

Regarding the NBTel Tower: "...a lumbering phallus that can be seen swaying in the breeze on windy days, as though the city had unzipped its collective jeans in an attempt to emasculate its lesser neighbours."

The Gunningsville Bridge: "...a wonder of 20th-Century engineering, if you think drunken louts playing in the mud and suffering from the bends is wonderful."

Magnetic Hill: "...a snake-oil sideshow frequented by rubes."

Alexander also repeatedly referred to the city's natural wonder, the tidal bore, as the "Total Bore", mocking the tourists who flocked each year to the Petitcodiac River's muddy banks in hopes of seeing the river's unspecatuclar reversal (although vilified by the local media, the term "Total Bore" quickly caught on with city residents, and is currently being used in New Brunswick Tourism's ongoing "We Ain't So Bad!" campaign).

Alexander later complained that much of what he said during the interview was misinterpreted, blaming everyone - from the Irving family to then Premier Richard Hatfield - for the incendiary version that made it to print. Years later, a Moncton tavern called Scrooge's hosted an extremely popular "Gradey Alexander Unappreciation Day". It became a successful annual event until the bar closed to make way for the construction of a new city hall.

Since leaving Moncton at the end of his tenure with LWOT, Alexander has never returned.

This Day in LWOT History...

June 1, 1980

LWOT launches its very first weekly radio program: "Lies, or Occasional Truth?"

Broadcast on CBC Radio, and hosted by Newfoundlander Phillip Lowther, the hour-long program was to feature a unique interactive segment in which Canadian celebrities narrated short stories, after which listeners would call in and guess which parts of the tale were true and which were fictional. Some of the show's first geusts included former Montreal Canadien great Maurice Richard, former NDP leader David Lewis, and actor Al Waxman.

Despite the CBC's high hopes, the show was a monumental failure with both critics and the listening public.

The final broadcast, which aired on June 22nd - only three weeks after the show debuted - descended into shambles when Managing Editor Gradey Alexander called in and accused Al Waxman, live on the air, of stealing from his novel Kensington Market to create the character of Larry King on the classic Canadian television show King of Kensington. Waxman, who claimed that his King character bore no resemblance to Kensington Market's Joseph Krantz, debated Alexander for more than twenty minutes before finally storming out of the studio. Waxman later called it "...an absolute embarrassment."

What was meant to become a staple of CBC's Sunday evening lineup became one of Canadian broadcasting's most memorable flops. The program was cancelled after only three episodes, and Phillip Lowther, the promising young broadcaster who helmed the show, never recovered; he would never again work at the CBC.

Legendary radio man and critic Gordon Sinclair wrote in his book Will The Real Gordon Sinclair Please Sit Down: "A show that represented the worst of Canadian broadcasting. It was a tragedy, really...In my career I've never seen a failed program take so many people down with it. It was just plain bad, even for the CBC."

This Day in LWOT History...

April 23, 2000

In support of the inaugural Northrop Frye Festival in Moncton, New Brunswick, the maritime edition of LWOT's spring issue features a fold-out poster of the renowned literary critic posing shirtless on the muddy banks of the Petitcodiac River.

Frye, one of the city’s most famous sons, grew up just two blocks away from the original offices of LWOT, and throughout his youth worked as a copy-boy for founding editor George Ross's editorial team. In fact, Frye credited the daily hoisting of paper-bales and ink-barrels as inspiring his future appreciation for physical fitness.

Only one-hundred copies of the Northrop Frye centerfold issue were printed, and it has since become a collector’s item among scholars of the suprisingly well-toned literary theorist. A near-mint copy recently set a record on internet auction site E-Bay as the most valuable non-golden-age issue ever sold.

To learn more about one of our country's most distinguished men of letters, visit here and here.

To sculpt your pecs like the father of new poetics, visit here.