Monday, 1 March 2010

Champions of LWOT: John Mutford

Superstar blogger John Mutford loves reading books. Canadian books. But if there’s one thing he loves more than reading Canadian books, it’s crusading against one of the most dangerous and prevalent scourges of the internet age: hyperbole.

Yes, in this world of instant communication, any grand claim can be made with brainless audacity. But how many of these claims can be empirically proven?

Northern Saskatchewan’s Most Buttery Perogies? Is the butter content measured by volume or weight? The Biggest Ball of Twine in Tatamagouche? By what zoning laws are you demarcating the borders of Tatamagouche township (because there’s a pretty big ball of twine down the road in Waldegrave)? Even Jack Layton’s boastful claims of having the Most Aerodynamic Moustache in the Toronto-Danforth electoral riding are utterly unverified.

But be not afraid, ye sincere and sober masses! Like famed civil rights lawyer William Kunstler or crusading feminist icon Gloria Steinem, John Mutford is here to right these egregious wrongs!

And we here at LWOT couldn’t agree with him more.

That’s why, in light of our newfound anti-irony stance, LWOT will henceforth be known as The Magazine of Internet Fiction That Provokes Among its Readers Varying Degrees of Like and Dislike!

Also – and this is the exciting part, dear readers – for the next few weeks, as John Mutford takes part in the National Post’s Canada Also Reads competition as a distinguished panelist, LWOT will be abandoning its traditional editorial direction and focus exclusively on bringing you all the John Mutford news that’s fit to be copied and pasted into a pre-existing blog template!

One man is making a heroic effort to rid the internets of hyperbole, irony, and sarcasm, and we’re very excited to be supporting his important cause.

Stay tuned for much more, and don’t forget to check out the left-justified, proof-read stories in the latest issue of LWOT: The Magazine of Internet Fiction That Provokes Among its Readers Varying Degrees of Like and Dislike!

And don’t forget to check out John’s anti-satire headquarters, Book Mine Set.


John Mutford said...

Hmmpff. I'd hardly say "superstar."

Megan said...

I agree. John Mutford should be exposed for the fraud he is. I demand coverage that is all Mutford, all the time, until he is utterly destroyed. We shall not rest. We shall not eat. We shall not turn our gaze aside from this noble quest.

Hey, is that a Butterfinger?

LWOT Editors said...

We really appreciate your enthusiasm, Megan. It's always nice to meet young people with a genuine passion for destroying reputations on teh internets. But I'm afraid you misunderstand. We are not seeking to expose Mr. Mutford as a fraud...rather, we want to support him as HE exposes fraud. Specifically, fraudulent claims made with brainless audacity.

For example…did you know that Canadian songwriter Leonard Cohen is NOT, in fact, the “Poet Laureate of Pessimism” as his publicists often claim. Pessimism is actually an ethereal value incapable of bestowing such a title on anyone! Without Mutford on the case, such lies would never be exposed.

Megan said...

Oh, NOW I see how this is going to be. I had assumed that I had found a kindred spirit who is as determined to bring John Mutford down as I have been for so many years. Instead, I see that have only found another braying Mutford fan! Curses! His celebrity is incalculable, and his shamelessness knows no limits! Is there no one he cannot get to with his rakish combination of snappy comebacks and dashing good looks?


Kristoff said...

did I miss something?

LWOT Editors said...

Yes you did, Kristoff. Obviously you had the brainless audacity to read the above post without carefully reading each informative hyperlink.

For your reference: